Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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