so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
BRING THE BAGELS
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
