I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
