Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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