im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
