Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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