So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
