Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
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I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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