just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
