I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
