I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
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she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
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my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
not ubering you a puppy
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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