now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
