I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
