Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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