i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
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