Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
