Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
