How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
