Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
