Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize