How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
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You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This is my gift to your gina
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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