We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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