Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
