I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
