drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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