Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
