He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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