I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
