Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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