having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
