can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
