I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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