i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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