Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We need a shit load of segways right now
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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