I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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