meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
