Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
