All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...