happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?