I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
