I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize