1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
