my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
