Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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