You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
