Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
