help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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