there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I supernannyed him into submission
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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