i think my mom watched the whole time
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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