he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
