I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
