my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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