Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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