listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You were trust falling into bushes
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
