when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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