Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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