I just threw up on my dentist
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
