marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize