Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
