He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
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please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
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I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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