Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
