roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
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Slut skills are useful in every country.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
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so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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