What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
