I want to stick my p in your. b.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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