I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
